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April 29, 2012 / whirlingneedles

Knitting and Crochet Blog Posts, Day 7!

Today is the last day of the Knitting and Crochet Blog Week, and I hope you have enjoyed the story and the format. This last post of the week is all about balance – how is balance in crafting achieved, and how should it be maintained? In the exciting conclusion to this week’s story, Agent K restores the balance of power between the knitters and the aliens. The aliens had the upper hand with their wool-altering drugs, but Agent K steps in to stop them once again!

And now, the exciting conclusion!

The formula worked. The garishly colored wool that was completely unaffected by standard color methods was easily bleached by Laci’s formula. Laci’s formula was also fortunately cheaply made from nontoxic substances found in nearly every home (or at least in nearly every dyer’s home). Now Agent K had to spread the word and let the aliens know that the knitters had an effective defense against their nefarious plans. How to do that, though? It would be dangerous to communicate with the aliens, but Agent K was just the knitter for the job.

The next day, Agent K sat in a public park near Agency Headquarters, calmly knitting row after row of the unbleached wool from the alien-poisoned sheep. It hurt her head to do it, but it was probably the method most likely to catch the eye of the aliens. Even though the town of the Agency Headquarters was well-known to the aliens, the exact location was a carefully guarded secret. The aliens were constantly on the lookout for Agents to tail to the Headquarters building. The best way to attract their attention was to knit in public. (Agent K frequently knit in public in other places too, and was constantly surprised when non-knitters commented on it. Everyone in the town where Headquarters was located was so used to seeing knitters that they never blinked when they saw one.) She figured that in this case, the best advertisement that she knew what they were up to and was not intimidated by it was to use the brightly colored yarn produced by the poisoned sheep.

She sat in the park and knitted the wool into a flamboyant cap for as long as she could stand to look at it. She winced at the result – a hideously variegated wool cap with every color of the rainbow in neon brights. It was horrendous. She would have to think just who she disliked badly enough to inflict it on this Christmas. Finally she couldn’t take looking at it anymore, and packed it into a bag. She collected her things and headed to her car. She noted with some relief that a black van pulled out of a parking space half a block away – at least she wouldn’t have to repeat this performance. She repeated the route she had taken earlier in the week, careful once again to keep the van on her tail, but not being obvious that that was what she was doing.

Once again, they ended up at the base of the trail up the mountain. Once again, Agent K raced to the top of the mountain clutching a valuable piece of information that the alien on her tail wanted very badly to get. Once again she climbed up the stone tower and waited at the top for the slimy green creature to catch up.

It was strangely peaceful at the top of the mountain. This time it wasn’t quite so beautiful. It had been raining for the past couple of days, and heavy clouds raced across the sky, plunging the valley into a deep grey and drowning out all the colors. Just as she was about to drown out the colors in the wool that the aliens had altered.

She heard a squelching sound of an alien footstep behind her, and turned slowly to face a laser gun leveled at her.

“You can put that thing away,” Agent K said. “I just want to talk, and then I want you to go talk to your superiors.”

“Talk? There won’t be any talk!” snarled the alien. He hopped a bit and reached down with a tentacle to pull a twig out of his slimy green foot. “Why the heck did you come back up here, anyway? Man, I really hate the woods!”

“Never mind the woods,” said Agent K patiently. “I’m here to tell you that we know all about the scheme for unbleachable and undyeable wool in Alaska. We know about it, and we have a solution.”

The alien’s eyeball shifted back and forth on its stalk. “Scheme? Alaska? I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Yes, you do,” said Agent K. “You followed me here because you saw me knitting with some of that awful wool you aliens created. No human would ever create such terrible colors, and you know it.”

“Okay, so we experimented with some dyeing,” bluffed the alien. “So what? It doesn’t mean anything!”

“We know that you hoped to stop knitters from using the wool,” replied Agent K. “We know that you would stop at nothing to do this. You had us in a tight corner for just a bit there. If one of our independent dyers hadn’t figure out a counter-formula, you might have succeeded. We might have been brought to our knees, because let’s face it, we can’t use this stuff for long.” She pulled the cap she’d knitted out of the horrible yarn and displayed it to the alien.

“It’s pretty horrible, isn’t it?” sneered the alien. “Don’t like the woolie stuff so much now, do you? HA!”

“Have you been listening?” sighed Agent K. “We have a way to combat this stuff and bleach it.”

“Wait, what? HOW?” roared the alien.

“An independent dyer figured out a formula to fix this wool. We’re even now dosing the world’s sheep to inoculate them against your drugs. So, nice try, suckers, but next time, don’t mess with our wool!” Agent K pulled a handful of the treated wool out of her bag and flung it at the alien’s eyestalk. It was a shame to use the wool that way, but she needed to get the alien to see the bleached wool and she also needed a way off the mountain.

A roar of pain and anger issued from the alien, and he instantly began scratching every bit of him that had been touched with the wool. More importantly, he dropped his laser gun, and Agent K took the opportunity to duck around him and head for the stairs.

Her last view of the alien was of him hopping around the top of the tower, trying to scratch every last inch of himself all at once. Giggling, she ran down the mountain side, raced to her car, and drove away triumphantly. No doubt the aliens would try again, but Agent K would be there to stop them.

The End.


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